Cullen and His Infatuation
by Malaia
Summary: Cullen's love makes him question his duty and vows. Be warned of some lemony goodness! I hope you'll review and tell me if they're sour lemons, or just the right amount of tart! Fanart 4 storydone by cat-on-coals - check my profile
1. Chapter 1

Aerowen and Cullen Chapter 1

The Harrowing had been invigorating and after her long nap, Aerowena felt buoyant. She was to be raised up. 'An apprentice no longer' she thought, as she fairly bounced down the hallway on her way to see the First.

Halfway down the hall she spotted Cullen. She'd caught him staring at her more than once. She knew she was beautiful, Maker knows she'd been told often enough. But beauty was just another weapon. She wondered, idly, if Cullen was admiring just her beauty or something more important; and then quickly dismissed the thought. It mattered not. Cullen would be a means to an end, albeit a devastatingly attractive one. She intended to escape this cage, and she'd need his help.

"Oh um h-hello. I …uh, am glad to see your Harrowing went smoothly." Cullen stuttered out with a slight blush.

Aerowena smiled and tilted her head just so. "Hello, Cullen"

"They, they picked me as the Templar to strike the killing blow, if you uh…became an abomination." He said, regretfully, "It's nothing personal. I swear! I uh, I'm just glad you're all right. You know." He looked at her beseechingly, as if asking for understanding.

_Nothing personal,_ _he says_, she scowled inwardly. Like he was telling her he didn't like her shoes. _Oh it's personal all right. But revenge is for a later time,_ she reminded herself.

Sticking her lower lip out, she touched his breastplate lightly with her fingers. "Would you really have struck me down?"

"I would've felt terrible about it. But um…but I serve the Chantry and the Maker, and I will do as I am commanded."

Imagining what was beneath his armor, Aerowena could think of a few commands she'd like to give right now. _Bet I could really make him stutter with exactly what I have in mind now_, "Maybe we could go elsewhere and…continue our conversation."

"Elsewhere?" He sputtered. "What do you mean?"

She looked down the hallway, mostly to avoid him seeing her eyes roll back in her head. Biting her lip with frustration she looked at him tilting her head coyly "I've seen the way you look at me".

Now he was blushing from his neck to his scalp, and probably beyond. "If you're saying…what I think…well that would be really…inappropriate. And I couldn't…I, I should go.

Aerowena stared after Cullen's quickly retreating form in astonishment. She slowly replayed the conversation in her head, wondering which part she got wrong. He certainly stared at her enough. The blushing. The stuttering. Could she have misread his interest? As she continued down to Irving's office, she wondered if the Templar's each had a room of their own, and how exactly to get to it.


	2. Chapter 2

Tired and aching from her day training, Aerowena lay in bed, thinking. While her body was tired, her mind was racing. Escape. Freedom. The two words swirled inside her head in an endless loop. Some deep dark part of her knew leaving the Circle was dangerous, and possibly wrong, but she saw no way to change the Circle's harsh rules from the inside. While mages were dangerous if possessed, so were any other magic users, including the Templars. "Who is watching _them_?" She asked her ceiling. Who decided that mages were more dangerous than any other possessed soul? Wasn't the cleave of a possessed Templar's sword just as dangerous as a ball of lightening? This prison she was in was intolerable. She was an animal, kept in a cage. The Circle didn't treat elves or humans differently, but the world treated mages so; packing them away, forgotten. She wouldn't be trained and leashed like a dog because they were afraid she might go rabid.

Jowan's plan to escape by destroying his Phlactery would get her out of the Circle, but, since hers was in Denerim, she'd be tracked down the instant she left. However, if she could arrange for one of their best Templars to look the other way, she might buy some time to get to Denerim and destroy it. Yes, it was time to go look for Cullen.

* * *

The midnight hour had most of the mages asleep. Training was grueling and many collapsed in bed without dinner, let alone extracurricular activities. While halls were relatively thin with mages, the Templars still guarded doorways and exits.

Mages were forbidden from Templar quarters, so Aerowena had to hope Cullen was free from guard duty or guarding somewhere private. His "duty" she thought disgustingly, would prevent him from leaving his post. "At least without very good incentive" she whispered and smiled. And she intended to give him incentive beyond his wildest imagination.

She managed to run into him as he was on his way into the Templar quarters. His eyes widened in surprise and then quickly narrowed in disapproval. "Mages aren't allowed in Templar quarters."

"Oh… yes, I know. I was hoping to run into one because I um…" she managed a practiced innocent look, "I um needed to pick some elfroot and wanted an escort onto the grounds! Have you the time then? To escort me I mean" She widened her eyes and forced a guileless blink as she looked at him.

She heard a shaky intake of breath, "I suppose I could escort you"

"Oh thank you so much, Cullen. I was terribly nervous to go out on my own at night, and I am training during the day." She was often surprised at how easily men succumbed to the helpless woman needing assistance.

The moon was high and full; the stars bright and abundant. With anyone else she would have given over to fanciful thoughts of love and courtship. With Cullen, however, she'd have to settle for passion and intrigue. He made it easy though, feeling that passion that is. She'd been watching him practice swordsmanship and other weaponry training ever since she'd heard of his infatuation with her. Although he wore the practice leather during training, she could see his shape and form beneath the molded fabric. A slightly shaky breath suddenly came out of her this time as the images flashed in her mind.

"Is something amiss?"

"No Cullen, I just am glad the moon is full so I can see what I'm doing"

As they approached a small garden full of herbs, she lay down her basket on a nearby worktable and began to take off her robe.

"Wh…what are you doing?" His voice sounded anxious and his eyes almost angry.

"Cullen, you can't expect me to kneel down in the muck in my best robes, can you? I still have my shift under this. You needn't worry about seeing me naked," she paused for effect "or was it _worry_?"

"I…uh… I don't think that's appropriate, but I shall turn my back to avoid impropriety" And then his back was to her.

Aerowena glared furiously at his back and looked around for a rock. The only one she could find was too large to pick up and throw. "Impropriety, duty. Pious, upstart!" she muttered, mockingly.

"Pardon?"

"Nothing," she bit out to his back. And then her eyes shifted to the rock again. This time, however, a gleam appeared in her eye.

* * *

Cullen stared out into the lake and tried, with great difficulty, not to think of her hair glimmering in the moonlight. He tried harder not to think of the way her upper lip poked out slightly, or the way her tongue sometimes traced it while they talked. Mostly, however, he tried not to think about how the moonlight would outline her shape underneath the gossamer shift she he'd glimpsed just now beneath her robes.

_Forbidden_ wasn't the only word that came to mind with the other thoughts swirling in his head. Treason, disloyalty and betrayal were there too. They mingled and fought against desire and love. Love for this smart, beautiful creature with her tall pointy ears and translucent skin. It was love that clenched his belly when he watched her from a distance. And it was love that quickened his breath when she flirted with him, shamelessly. Oh, how he fought his love for her with his love for the Chantry every day.

A short cry broke through his thoughts as he turned quickly to see her fall backwards towards the ground. He arrived at her side just as she landed. As she lay motionless in the dirt, he looked for injuries. He removed his gloves and knelt down beside her. Just as he leaned down to inspect her head she opened her eyes, lifted her head and pressed her lips against his. Just like that his mind was no longer at war. He was lost in her soft lips and wild scent. She smelled of wild flowers and the ocean. The taste of honey invaded his mouth and he longed for more. He'd never kissed before, so he was unsure of what to do, but one hand threaded into her hair, cupping her head, while the other gripped her shift in the back. He was holding onto sanity by the barest string, when her tongue flicked his lip the string snapped. His mouth opened and he gripped her hair.

Her tongue slipped into his mouth and his tentatively touched it. A soft cry of passion against his mouth slammed desire through his entire body; tiny explosions burst in his belly, along with a familiar tightening of need. Suddenly his tongue wasn't tentative. Suddenly it was searching and his own moans filled the night, mixing with hers. Blood pounded in his ears and deafened him. She squirmed and he could feel her trying to get away. She pushed him suddenly and reality came crashing in around him.

"Cullen?" She was breathless and wide eyed. She stood there, chest heaving, staring at him expectantly. Her hair was wild, her lips red and bruised.

"I…" He what? What could he say? He stood up abruptly. He had no excuse; no defense. He allowed this infatuation, this _abomination_ to continue. He stared at her, angry with himself, furious at her.

"Did you hear what I said?"

He couldn't bring himself to respond to her question. His anger was like lava, pushing against his skin. It coursed through his veins. However, his anger did nothing to dissipate his desire, and as the moon shown through her shift as she stood, fulfilling his earlier fantasy, he took a step towards her and reached out his hand. Her eyebrows rose and she put two hands against his chest to ward him off.

"Cullen!" she broke through his daze. He shook his head and blinked at her. "Your armor!" she pointed.

He looked at her, perplexed. His armor? What had…? Understanding dawned on him. He drew in a breath to get himself under control. "I'm sorry. I should never have… you have to see this is… wrong…"

"I see no such thing, Cullen. I see a man who wants a woman. What could be more natural than that?" She stepped closer to him and he backed away. "How can you deny something the Maker so obviously wants you to have?"

She was confusing him with her strange logic. He'd made vows to the Maker, vows to the Chantry and the Templars. How could he abandon his beliefs, his vows, and his duty?

"Cullen…"

"NO!" He bit out furiously. "I cannot betray everything that I believe in, no matter how much I love you. And you cannot profess to love me, if you would have me do so. For that is me. My duty!" He once again turned his back on her. "I think we'd best go back in now"

He heard her rustling behind him, "Love? Love, Cullen?" He was shamed by the disgust in her voice. "What do you know of _love_, Cullen?" she brushed past him and ran inside.

His breath caught as sadness and desire lay against his heart like an anvil.

* * *

Alone in her room Aerowena threw a bottle of lyrium at the wall. "Unconscionable, pious, uptight, fool!" she screamed as she stomped ineffectually on the stone floor. "Love, he professes, as if he knew the meaning of the word!" She began to pace in front of her bed.

Her body ached with want and need. Both of which warred with anger. For the most part, anger was winning. Anger at his pious, self righteous sense of honor and duty. Anger at his words of love and duty. Anger mostly, at herself, for not saying the words that would bring him to his knees. All she had to say was she loved him and she could have turned him. His desire for her was undeniably more powerful than his so called duty. So why had she not said it?

'Perhaps it was too close to the truth?' a part of her whispered. She shook her head to rid herself of the thought. Love was not real, was not wise, was not faithful. And duty was no better. Duty kept her confined to a life not her own. Duty was death and destruction. Love was for weak minded sots like Cullen. And love would be his undoing, she vowed.


	3. Chapter 3

Aerowena and Cullen Chapter 3

Frustration caused a sleepless night for Cullen. Sharing a room with other men and women of the Templar made relief impossible. It was improper anyhow, he reminded himself. And her admission made it even more reprehensible. To love her so completely, without return, was his punishment, he decided.

He stared at her, longingly, across the library. His heart ached, and yet he still lusted for her. He found himself fixated on her lips as she delicately gnawed on her lower lip while reading. He briefly closed his eyes and remembered their feel against his. So beautiful and so treacherous; so smart and so sweet as well. He wished any of her tenderness was directed towards him.

He'd seen her in the kitchens helping the staff. She sat sometimes, on the counter making the cooks laugh. She even got along with some of the other Templars, healing them when they were sick or helping the brothers make mead. How could he not love her, with her impish smile and sultry eyes? He found himself wondering how much of her kindness towards the Templars was by design.

Suddenly, he realized she was looking right at him. Then the hussy arched her back and stretched her arms, like a cat, over her head.

He had been hard all night and it hadn't abated this morning. It was tolerable, before, now he felt pain as it pressed against his armor. He shifted uncomfortably. A slow, knowing smile curved her lips and her head tilted in that way he adored so much. He had to get out of here. He turned and made his way outside for air.

Aerowena watched him turn on his heel and stalk out of the library. She had no doubts about why he had suddenly shifted stances. She had less than three hours until she met with Jowan and she had spent the better part of the morning hunting for Cullen, rather than relieve her…discomfort. When she felt the hairs on the back of her neck tickle, she knew he was watching her. She looked up to see him gazing so intently at her, it almost hurt to watch. Instead she stretched her hands over her head and stuck out her bosom. The next thing she knew, he was out the door like a Mabari war hound on the scent of darkspawn. She followed after him quickly as he made his escape outside.

Once again she had him outside, although today the grounds were teeming with Templars, enchanters and mages. She wondered if he must attend guard duty tonight and if so, where. And then Calliana, one of the other Templars, came up and put her hand on his shoulder. Before she could control her actions, she had cast lightening onto the girl's boots. The entire grounds stopped and stared at her, two Templars drew their swords and she stood there for a moment eyes wide. "I, um, oh dear, so sorry Calliana," she shouted across. Calliana was jumping up and down trying to cast off her boots. "Twas completely an accident!" Mortified, and terrified, she turned and escaped inside, but not before taking in Cullen's throaty laugh.

Tonight she was approaching the Templar quarters with a much different task, and with greater humility. She didn't feel bad per say, about the teeny zap she had given Calliana. It was just _not_ a good idea to get on the bad side of the Templars. It wasn't as if she had hurt the girl badly, she justified. She'd barely used a hundredth of her power to cast the spell. It was a tiny shock, that's all, she muttered. Thank goodness she was on such good terms with the cooks. A bunch of honey cakes for the Templar knights made them ever so grateful, and Calliana very forgiving. _Bring them honey cakes and they still stared at her as if she'd murdered a family and eaten the children_, she sighed and curled her lip in distaste.

What had she been thinking? She'd had to put off her excursion with Jowan for yet another night to avoid suspicion. _Fool girl_, she fumed again as she closed her chamber door. She'd throw another bottle of Lyrium, if the First hadn't threatened her with pot duty, should she do so again. Instead, she sat on the bed and tried to figure why she had risked everything to cast magic on a Templar in full view of the entire Circle mages and Templars.

Jealous! She was jealous today. Cullen hadn't been able to stop grinning since this afternoon. He should have been more concerned for her safety. She could have been killed instantly by the nearest Templar if her magic had been stronger. Zapped her boots with electricity, she did! He laughed aloud again, garnering strange looks for the other Templars. So the little elf did feel something for him then.

Recently, he'd been thinking about his vows, his duties to the Chantry and Templars in more depth. His training had pitted him as her guard but also as her guardian. This is what many mages didn't understand. Templars were there to watch the mages, but also to watch _over_ the mages. He believed in what he did, but for the first time, he doubted his vows were necessary and that mages were all ultimately destined to turn into something evil.

His whole life, Cullen had been devoted to the Chantry and the Maker, but, as he watched her and as his love intensified, he wondered how the Maker could expect chastity with this passion. How the Maker could expect sorrow with the promise of such joy.

Oh, if it were only lust and passion, he could understand, but this burning need, this passion was just a small part. These feelings he had for her confused his purpose. Everything he thought he knew was tossed aside and new realizations were enlightening him. For the first time he wondered what his life would have been had he been given any choices.

He suddenly needed to see her now. To find out if her jealousy meant something, anything - to find out if he meant something.

Aerowena lay in bed trying to think of a way to get to Cullen. She wasn't likely to seduce him from across the tower, no matter how much magic was at her disposal. In fact, she wasn't likely to seduce him if he was standing right in front of her naked and throbbing, if the last two encounters were anything to judge by. "ARGH!" she pounded the bed in frustration with her feet.

Normally, she was quite calm and collected. Lately, however, her sexual frustration was reaching new heights. Her personal frustration wasn't helping much either, and to top that off, her emotions were suddenly confusing as well. Closing her eyes she drew a steady, calming breath and exhaled slowly. Sexual frustration could be relieved in a number of ways, but she was determined it be with him, not with another, and definitely not alone.

"I'll think of a way, _damn_ you" she said loudly to the ceiling.

"Think of a way for what?"

And just like that, Cullen was standing in her doorway. Briefly she closed her eyes and mouthed a thank you to the Maker.

"I would have thought you never to speak to me again, after last night and today." She knelt on the bed and placed her hands meekly in her lap. It's _meekness he responds to_, she told herself. She looked down and deliberately fidgeted with her hands. _Meek and shy is what he needs? Meek and shy is what he'll get!_ She looked up at him, shyly, through her lashes and heard a satisfying intake of breath.

"Oh goodness! You're…um… in…my apologies…the door was…" he turned to leave.

"So help me Cullen, you walk out that door and I'll paralyze you!" She boomed. Forgetting everything she had just told herself.

Cullen stopped and turned around, his face matching hers, angry glare for angry glare.

"You _know_ that casting any spells on a Templar can be punishable by death!" he hissed through his teeth, turning to shut the door, "Even threatening can get you locked up in the Circle dungeon! You mustn't say such things where it can be heard, even in jest"

She leaned forward letting out a long angry breath, trying to get her emotions under control. "I! Will! Not! Spend! Another! Sleepless! Night! Alone in this bed! With only my _hands_ to comfort me!"

His face looked as though she slapped him and a flush started from under his armor. It spread quickly to his face and the desire and need that flashed in his eyes almost took her breath away. For one brief second he appeared to walk towards her and then he turned as if to leave.

She lashed out without thinking and warded the door.

He slowly turned, drawing his sword.


	4. Chapter 4

Aerowena and Cullen Chapter 4 – There is More Than One Kind of Betrayal

It was instinct that drew the sword. An instinct he fought, along with everything else inside him. She kneeled there staring back at him defiantly, even as he drew his sword. Her eyes blazed and dared him to striker her down. His duty was to kill her, immediately, but every fiber, every muscle and sinew in his body froze his actions. It wasn't until he had sheathed his sword that he realized he would forsake everything for her.

"I cannot kill you, Aerowena." His words came out in a defeated whisper. He was already embittered by this betrayal of his ideals.

He continued to stand, defeated and stoic at the end of her bed. He closed his eyes and moved not an inch even as she began to remove his armor. However, his eyes flew open at the touch of her lips against the skin on his stomach.

She smiled at him triumphantly and reached her hand behind his head, guiding him down on top of her. "Will you have me speak of love, Cullen?" She whispered, taunted, into his ear. He shuddered, ashamed and aroused all at once.

She would teach him the ways of passion and pleasure and he would be hers.

"Will you have me speak of love, Cullen?" she whispered into his ear. His answering shudder was such sweet, sweet victory. Aerowena felt as the conquering queen of a hard fought war. She rejoiced in his utter capitulation. "Oh my sweet Cullen," she taunted "I will teach you a whole _new_ kind of love." She bit the lobe of his ear and wrapped her hand around his erection.

Still the gentle knight, Cullen slid his hand along her cheek and moved in for a kiss. She turned her head and stroked him until he was panting above her, unable to attempt another kiss.

She pushed him down on his back and began to move her tongue over his stomach, relishing every twitch and clench of the muscles. She sucked and tasted inch by inch scraping her teeth into the hairs at the base of his belly. She smiled against his skin at his hiss off indrawn breath. His hands twisted into the bed linens and his hips rose, urging her. She took him into her mouth and reveled in his bit down moan. She used every bit of skill she learned until he bucked his hips a final time, screamed and exploded into her mouth. Even as he spilled into her throat, she licked and sucked until he was quivering and begging her to stop.

He pulled her up and tried to kiss her once more. She turned away and settled next to him on the bed. She was satisfied and frustrated all at once. She understood he was a virgin and did not expect relief from him. She pushed her hands between her legs seeking relief and turned to look at him watch her.

To her surprise, he tentatively put his hands over hers and looked into her eyes "Teach me", was all he whispered. And so she taught him. His fingers moved slowly at first, testing. His eyes never strayed from her face, as he learned by her reactions. She closed her eyes and wrapped her fingers in the pillow under her head. The first tendrils of climax snaked into her stomach.

Her back arched and her eyes flew open as she felt his tongue flick, tentative at first and then insistent when he saw her reaction. A soft scream escaped her lips as his tongue moved in and out of her. The thought of his tongue, tasting her, pleasuring her, pushed her over the edge. She was seized by a tide of ecstasy and rode its waves to completion.

She meant to push him away when he wrapped his arms around her, but so tired. She was so tired. She pretended not to hear his whispers of love as she closed her eyes and moved into the Fade.

She awoke, hours later, to his hands sliding up her belly. She should stop this, but then his hands moved over one breast and she felt his lips on her other. She felt him move over her and then inside her. The chamber was dark, but she felt his breath above her. She wasn't sure why she had refused his mouth earlier. The sudden need to feel his lips against hers drove her now. She grabbed his head and pulled them to hers.

She'd kissed him before, but this one wasn't like those. She felt the kiss somewhere deep inside; somewhere she thought she'd closed off. She came as he kissed her, his tongue more sure and adept than before. Dimly she was aware that, at some point, desire had become need, and need had become something more terrifying; affection.

He pulled her into him this time. So close and secure she could feel every contour of his chest against her back. His heavy breathing signaled his slip into dreams. She, however, lie there staring into the darkness wondering what had happened. Her heart was beating so fast she thought it might bounce out of her chest at any moment. It took an hour to join him in sleep.

Aerowena stared down at Cullen's sleeping form in confusion. Getting out of bed, she dressed and went to seek out Jowan. A Templar's help would be a great benefit, but it wasn't the only means of escape and elusion. She'd need friends.

It wasn't until she was in Irving's chamber that she realized she would betray her only other means of escape at the Circle.


	5. Chapter 5

_It's tough to make the leap from the circle tower to after the Blight, however, it's not possible to write a story properly with Cullen as a centric part __**and**__ a character you might still like. Therefore, Cullen and Aerowena's story must be told after the Blight._

_Perhaps many people choose to eradicate the mages and side with the Templars, so they are unaware of Cullen's fate. I, however, couldn't bring myself to do that. Your "Cullen" will differ greatly depending on whom you choose to support._

_-Spoilers possible-_

_After siding with the Circle, Cullen goes mad and kills 3 innocent apprentice mages._

_For __**this**__ story, Aerowena has faced a lot of hardship and is a very different person._

_IF you haven't played a mage, I encourage you to do so to understand the lore behind this story (especially a female mage). Cullen is not always mentioned at the end of the_ _credits, but this is how I understood him, the one time he was mentioned in my endings._

_

* * *

_

Cullen and Aerowena – Chapter 5 After the Blight

Death and destruction had marred her life for too long now. Duty had held her for so long she wasn't sure how to make decisions in her life without considering how it would affect it. Duty to the Grey Wardens, duty to the king, duty to Ferelden and her friends; it was constant and unforgiving. Today though, today is about her. Today she wasn't a warrior or a mage, she wasn't a Grey Warden. She was simply Aerowena, a woman come to claim what was hers – what _she_ wanted.

She'd spent the morning like a lovesick schoolchild picking out the perfect robe, then dress, then robe again. She'd settled on white with silver threads sewn through the silk. She stared at her reflection, regretfully. She wasn't quite as beautiful as she once was. Scars marked her face in obvious places; across her right cheek and along her jaw. Her white hair was chopped short and she'd lost her little finger to an Ogre's belly. Her pale grey eyes no longer twinkled, and though she tried several times to blink it away, she could see the sorrow that lurked in them. Her skin was battle worn and it took weeks before coming here to get it close to soft again. She was still beautiful, but as she stared at herself, she saw a bit of Morrigan in the hardness of her eyes. Was that so terrible, she wondered?

She practiced a sexy, come-hither smile and realized it was brittle, if not a tad desperate. That once coy, sexy woman she was before the Blight seemed a million years away and unreachable. She'd lost herself somewhere.

Taking a deep breath she turned from the mirror and smoothed down her hair. She was off to find at least one piece of herself from so long ago.

* * *

The new Circle was as confusing as the old tower, even more so because Templars weren't posted everywhere. She wanted to take comfort in the fact that she gave these few mages their freedom. It wasn't only her sacrifice, many others contributed to give them the autonomy they deserved. She wanted to shake them and tell them to be worthy of their gift, but she could feel nothing but apprehension at the moment. Her stomach was doing so many flip flops she thought she might throw up on the first apprentice she saw.

Although she'd practiced what she would say to the High Commander, she still went over it again and again on her way. Her footsteps slowed outside his office and she found herself trying to catch a breath. She pressed her forehead against the wall and stared at its white and gold filigreed surface.

Change came so easily for her now, a wind blew and she could float one way, it blew again and she followed. But transformation, she realized, didn't come so easily to others. The Templars were already in a state of turmoil and now she would ask for another change…

He had wanted to kill every mage in the tower. His rage was so keen she could feel it pushing and straining against the makeshift prison. That is how she last saw the man she came to the tower to get. The man she knew to love too late. And now she, a mage, a Grey Warden, would demand him like so much livestock. But he must have some love left for her, some remnant of that man who stared at her so longingly night after night, day after day. After these years, if she could love…

She pounded her hand against the wall hard enough to bruise. These abilities had taken _everything_ from her; her family, her right to a normal life, her life entirely was given up as Grey Warden. It couldn't take this from her! It _wouldn't_! She would make him see, _make_ him love her again, make him forgive himself – forgive her.

Marching into the High Commander's office she stood defiantly with her chin high, eyes challenging "I wish Cullen brought to me".

He looked confused and a little wary and then cocked his head to the left. "Cullen?"

"If he is not here, has he been sent somewhere? I wish to know where, please."

"But, surely you don't mean who I think you mean?"

"Was there so many Templars named Cullen you cannot keep track?" Her voice was rose. How could they not have him here? She'd spent so much time to get here; she'd left the rebuilding to come. She'd left a very angry bunch of Wardens to come. And he wasn't here?

"No, but you must know…" he shook his head and then she saw understanding and apprehension in his eyes. "Cullen is a fugitive, Aerowena. There is a price on his head. He killed three mages before escaping the Tower. He hasn't been seen for at least a year"

Something twisted in her belly, sharp and painful. "But…" She shook her head. "How could you let that happen?" She demanded.

He moved back, stunned by her accusation. "I was not there! And even if I were, no one could have prevented this. From what I gather he was sure they were possessed."

" I meant the bounty!" she snapped. "How could you put a bounty on his head?!" She was furious and her heart was gripped. She knew she was being unreasonable but once again this damnable blight had taken from her. "Remove it, Commander! I will find him."

"Remove it?" He looked at her as if _she_ was mad.

"Yes remove it, damn you to the blight! You cursed lot threw him to the wolves after all he survived." She was panicked, screaming at the top of her voice. She was panicked. "You dope him with Lyrium, drill into him about blood mages and abominations! You train him to kill mages with no remorse - to see us as subhuman." She couldn't stop herself now, she was banging his desk. His eyes were kind and full of pity which only served to inflame her more. "Did you help him at all? So locked in your hatred…" she choked off a sob.

"What have you done, Commander? What have you done?" She dropped to the floor in a heap, sobbing. She lay there beaten and more damaged than any fight with darkspawn had left her.

Her sobs grew quiet, the Commander hadn't moved or spoken in so many minutes. "Oh Maker, I didn't understand either, Commander." Her voice was quiet, far away. "I left him in the tower after Uldred because I didn't know. I didn't know, Maker help me. How could anyone imagine such evil" She was looking at him now, imploring him to understand.

"In Orzammar, I finally knew what they were capable of and what happened in the Circle with Uldred. What Cullen fought and survived. The things they do – what evil does - Commander, they will drive _anyone _mad. And he was locked up with them. _You_ locked him up with them! And he fought off all of them – every sick twisted thing they could do. He was the only one left that didn't break. And when it was over, I betrayed him and you…you disregarded him." She had stopped sobbing now. He looked resigned and apologetic.

"So you will rescind that order, Commander!" She didn't ask, she demanded "I will find Cullen."


	6. Chapter 6

Cullen and Aerowena – Chapter 6 – The Search

She had little patience for questing after the last years. The Blight had destroyed or changed so much within her, as well as the world - he just wanted peace for the remaining years. She wouldn't grow old as Wynne, but she wouldn't mark her entire life in the Circle - or solely devoted to the Grey Wardens, either. Her life would have some joy, some completion. She refused to kowtow to duty exclusively.

Once, long ago, she had dreamed of freedom from the Circle. A dream she betrayed for a feeling she had no understanding of; love. She would have done anything back then, to gain her freedom. She even would have been part of the terrible things done at the Circle, had she not been recruited by Duncan. Of that she had no doubt. Many of the mages and apprentices had begun the rebellion before she had betrayed Jowan, and she had been part of their whispered plotting. If she had stayed, become the very torturer which caused his insanity, she would have lost Cullen, irreparably. She gave her silent thanks to Duncan that she had a sliver of a chance to get what she had lost.

There wasn't much she could do if he was lost to Lyrium addiction, but if she had to use Andraste's ashes, she'd repair the damage she, and others, had caused.

The ashes…she circled her hand around the vial at her neck. At the time, she had meant to save herself from the taint, but now? She'd done enough to earn her shortened life. With the demon child writhing in Morrigan's belly, she couldn't bring herself to use the ashes. But Cullen…Cullen would be her redemption.

The real question was, however, is Cullen's hatred of mages so intense that he is lost to her forever?

It wasn't difficult to decide where to start looking. Lyrium addiction can only be satisfied in three ways; death, consumption or madness. She'd begin with a very surly little dwarf in Orzammar's dust town who once asked her to deliver his "wares" to addicts on the surface.

No longer filled with casteless, dust town was, instead, filled with just thieves, and those which fed that culture; namely addicts. It stood to reason that she'd find Cullen here or, at the very least, his supplier.

After hours of asking, and more than 500 silver paid, she found her Dwarf quarry. He was quick to deny any illegal sales or supplies. However, a few gold coins garnered her useful information: a list of his dealers above ground. Cullen wasn't anywhere in Orzammar, but she the list was enough of a start.

She spent the night in the palace, at Bhalen's request. She lay in a room with warm sheets and clean water basin wondering if Cullen slept in the cold, in his own filth. Her heart contracted.

The king had his mistress and she had watched them tonight with envy. As she lay there she angrily wiped the tears that spilled down her cheek. She'd saved the world dammit, where was her happy ending? She wasn't going to give in. She couldn't give in, not now.

A deep breath, an admonishment against self-pity, and her body gave in to sleep.

* * *

- Weisshaupt Fortress -

The fireplace warmed the room, but she shivered despite it. Servants had drawn the bath, wary of the wards, and the man behind them, at the far side of the chamber. She wanted to offer him a bath, but he had refused to speak or look at her since he was brought here, four days earlier.

Four months after she'd left Orzammar and put a bounty on him, _alive_, he'd been cast at her feet. She had a chamber of her own at the Weisshaupt headquarters and she'd sealed him behind several wards at the far end of it. He could see her and hear her, but that didn't mattered, as he wasn't speaking to, or looking at, her. He'd neither been interested, nor concerned, in anything she'd had to say, either.

He wasn't suffering in any way that she could see. In fact, he appeared rather healthy, physically. Mentally he was crazy as a Mabari after a darkspawn lunch.

She'd begun weaning him off the Lyrium immediately and then used the remains of Andraste's ashes to cleanse the rest. The effect was devastating. His clarity was almost instantaneous. But the effects only helped with the Lyrium addiction, not the madness that had seeped in from those nights at the tower.

Now he paced back and forth, talking to himself and randomly testing the wards. He had glared at her and called her vile names when he first set eyes on her, and then not a word or look from him since. His eyes were wild, but not with fear, with determination. The worst part was the prison she'd been forced to lock him behind was the exact same he'd suffered at Uldred's hands. The prison from which he watched his friends slaughtered; the same prison where the blood mage kept him and crept into his mind day after day. Only now she was on the other side and she could see he was thrown back to that night.

She shrugged, resigned. It was either this or the fortress prison, where rats and disease ran rampant.

She sat on the floor just opposite him and crossed her legs.

"Cullen" She was stern and remarkably steady when she spoke, "Can you hear and understand me?"

"Begone witch! I withstood you before! You'll have no hold on me! Get out of my head! _And there I saw the Black City_. " His voice boomed, despite the hard stone walls. "_It's towers forever stain'd"_

"Cullen" Her voice broke and she tried to steady it. If he felt manipulated by tears, she'd never reach him. When she had herself under control, she tried again. "Cullen, look at me"

He stopped and turned to her. His eyes were ice and then fire. He reeked of hatred and venom. "Whore! Witch! I will not bow to you. You'll not have me! Begone Demon! It's _gates forever shut. Heaven has been filled with silence._"

His chant became a whisper – a plea. "_O Maker, hear my cry:__  
__Guide me through the blackest nights__. __O Maker, hear my cry:__  
__Guide me through the blackest nights_."

Aerowena pressed her hands against her face and rubbed her cheeks with frustration. She had no idea how to get through to him at this point. Tomorrow she would force a confrontation. She placed extra wards on top of those in place so he could no longer hear, or see, her and then she climbed into her bath.

Just as before, she had one more step until she reached a goal, then another step, and another. She was weary of it all. More tears, like Orzammar.

She had fought off defeat then, but tonight she wasn't sure she could. A little self-pity was allowed after one loses everything, right?

She wept in earnest now into her drawn up knees. She wept and howled like she was unable to before the Archdemon's death. She wept for herself and Cullen and Wynn. She wept for Harrowmount, who was a good man, but a poor leader. She wept for a lost little boy and a dead little girl. She wept for beautiful, brave Hespeth betrayed by a greed and power.

She wept for all the terrible things she had done. Her body wracked with grief and pity, but she continued her lament. She wept selfishly and remorselessly, giving into self pity for the first time in her life.

When all the tears were spent and her energy sapped, she climbed into bed and slept.

* * *

He meant to kill her. This had been a mistake. She'd taken down the wards and before she could even utter a syllable, he was on her. His hands were around her neck squeezing the life from her. Her magic was useless against him and she couldn't fight him.

_Funny, the world goes silent when you're about to die,_ she mused, as the world began to fade to black.

She clawed at the air and took great hulking breaths as the room came into focus.

"She's alive, thank the Maker"

"Foolish child! He nearly killed you!" She saw Calliana's worried face above her.

"Water", she croaked. She touched her swollen throat and tried to swallow as she sat up. The pain was incredible. It seemed even breathing was going to be difficult for a while. Frantically she looked across the room for Cullen but couldn't see him. "Can't kill him!" She tried to scream it but it came out a hoarse whisper. "Mine!" She began to climb out of bed.

Calliana sighed and pushed her back into bed. "He's not dead. He's in the dungeons below. He should be dead, by all rights!" Her finger pointed at Aerowena's nose and punctuated every word with a poke. "You put yourself at risk."

Calliana hadn't been recruited into the Grey Wardens per se; she'd marched up and demanded to join. She'd been a good friend since, although quite preachy at times. No matter, she'd put up with Leliana's preaching, she could deal with Callie's.

Aerowena nodded because it hurt to talk. She got up to get dressed and caught a disapproving look from Calliana.

"I killed an archdemon two nights after I had fought with Logain," she whispered, "and Maker knows how many Demons in the Alienage. I've been stabbed, slashed, lost a finger, and I could stand here and name what else. No one worried about me then." She huffed. "After all that, I was just pointed to the next thing I had to kill, or find, or fix. A little strangling won't scar at least. You'll not keep me from one man who at least had the decency to stop strangling me before I died." She said it in a teasing voice, but since every word from her mouth was like drinking hot fire, she wasn't sure it came out as a jest. She had no time for worry and doubt; he grew worse every day she let him be. She had to see him, disapproval or no.

"He didn't _stop_" Calliana spit out the last word "He was _stopped_. By me! I heard you thrashing about and came in to see him doing a very good job of throttling you within an inch of your life! He damn well would have finished the job too. T'was only the fact that you lived, that I allowed him to do the same. Took me and three others to get him off you and drag him to the dungeon"

"Calliana, you were at the tower, but you have no idea what was done to …"

Calliana put her hand up. "I have every idea, I saw him afterward. I saw what he did to those mages as well. I also saw him talking to himself and acting like a Lyrium addled fool. What I can't understand is why you broke no quarter from yourself, but he can go mad and you forgive it like he gave you the wrong pair of shoes."

Aerowena sighed deeply and looked at Calliana. She understood the worry and concern shaped her friend's comments, but she wasn't sure she could explain without sounding like a ninny.

"Callie, I made hard decisions while on the road. Awful, hard, terrible decisions that no human should have to make. Because there was no time to consider anything! I made deals with demons. I slew man, woman and child alike. At times I made decisions because they were the best, but I also made decisions because they were faster and easier. I made them because the blight had to be stopped above all else. But the Blight is _over_ and it's done shaping my life."

She took a deep breath. She hadn't told anyone, save Wynn, about these choices. And one choice she kept even from her. "Callie, you're a Grey Warden now. The blight, the Grey Warden's, your country, those come first. We cannot choose what is right in the eyes of people; we have to choose what is right for the future. The Templar in you demands justice, so does the mage in me. What I have planned for Cullen gives justice, but more than that, it's the right thing for the Wardens."

"I don't have pity for Cullen. I don't have anger for him either. He broke because he had no choices, Callie. He could have given in, as the other Templars. He could have given control to the demons and mages, but he was stronger than they were. He was a hero." Her eyes pleaded with Calliana for understanding.

"Oh Wena, I'd give you the earth and moon if you just asked. You saved all our lives with your choices. It wasn't a choice I was asking you to make; it was your life I was asking you to be careful with. You're ever the one to be bold and brave, but you've no regard for the consequences your death might bring about."

It was this talk that give Aerowena the idea of how to get through to Cullen.


	7. Chapter 7

**For some reason my pretty little section breaks aren't working. So my POVs keep getting shmushed together with no line breaks grar. I put them in double this time, hoping they will end up showing in the final draft.**

**Anyway, I'll apolgize early for any grammar, spelling and syntax errors that are included. Apparently it bothers some folks. You're warned early. =D I hope you like my version of Cullen and I hope you enjoy my simpering Amell as well. I type these as they come into my head and while I realize some people may take offense to my version of Cullen, he is, after all, **_**my**_** version.**

**If you're determined to give me any bad reviews, please make it about the story and not my grammar. Although I appreciate the grammar corrections, I'd much rather have you send your correction notes in a pm =). I will most happily correct the incorrect use of syntax, grammar and other errors, if you'll but just point them out!**

**Btw, the good reviews literally make me bounce happily in my chair and drag my husband over to read! (yes, literally)**

* * *

Aerowena and Cullen – Chapter 7 – The Confessions

The dungeon was cold and damp and wickedly, dark. Aerowena imagined it was purposely so. Can't have prisoners feeling warmth and comfort, she thought, glibly. Her candle barely added any light. He was in the far corner untouched by it. She could use magic to lighten, and warm, the room; however, she suspected he wouldn't react well to that. Instead she sat down on the cold ground and leaned back against the wall across from his cell.

"I don't know if you will listen to my words, but I'll speak them." She began to wring her fingers together and stared at them as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. She blew out a sigh and bit her trembling lower lip.

"I'd like to say I grew up in Ostagar, but that's not the truth. I was happy to be free of the tower and I didn't realize I'd traded one leash for another." She took a deep breath and felt the freedom of silent tears. "I was arrogant and cruel, even to the king. Although he was kind, I threw his words back at him. Disdainful, that was who I'd become. Always looking for an angle, I was." She paused, "No I have to go back earlier than that, if I'm truthful."

She paused again, unsure of how she'd word the next phrase. "The night we were together…I was to meet a friend, my best friend as it happens, and help him escape. I was to escape with him. That was the plan on my part, anyhow. I'm not sure if I had changed my mind before I left the room, or after, but instead I went to the First. I told him of the plan, risked everything I'd wanted and worked for, because I couldn't disappoint you." She could make out his head tilting, but that was all. "At the time I had no idea why."

"But, you see, I think I began to change that night." She was back to staring at her fingers, now picking at each one in turn. "And then I was whisked away from the Circle and it didn't matter after all that I'd begun to change. That's the rub you see. I went from bitter to enlightened to bitter once again." She began to wring her hands together and blew into them for warmth. If she was going to be here a while, she'd need some warmth, and so would he.

She called for the guards to bring blankets and more candles. The room was soon filled with light and she could see him, staring daggers at her, largely ignoring the blankets. She didn't dwell on the fact, choosing to pick up her story where she left off.

"I saw such terrible things at Ostagar, but none more terrible than Loghain's betrayal. There wasn't much time to think on it, however. It seemed we had so many obligations by that point. I'm not sure how much bitterness one person can endure, but mine was overflowing." She laughed, but it was mirthless and sad. "You'd think I was full up, but I can tell you that more was to come." She tried to breathe away her anger, but it seeped into her words. She'd thought herself cleansed of this, but talking about it brought it to the surface.

"Lothering is just a small township but it's a place that won't leave my memory." She leaned up now on her knees, staring at him; willing him to understand. "The first thing I came across was a little boy on a bridge, crying for his mother. He argued with me that he would wait there for her. She was so obviously dead, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him. Instead I offered to find her for him, and of course I found her, dead. I didn't even have the decency to tell him of it, instead I left it to the Chantry. Then I helped a couple who'd been robbed by bandits. I cleared the place of bandits and darkspawn. I spent time there, was given aid there, was given succor despite their terror at helping someone who was said to be a traitor." She looked away then, gritting her teeth so hard her jaw ached. Then she looked back at him meeting him eye for eye "It's not pity I'm telling this for, just so you know. I'm not listing my good deeds, if that is what you're thinking. It's just that...after all I did there, all the time I spent…" Her voice was cracking, but she was beyond caring. "The whole village was gone, not long after we left. All those people I thought we'd helped were dead. The darkspawn had overrun it."

"It went like that everywhere. For every person we saved, a hundred corpses stood in their wake." She sighed heavily and stared off into nothing. "I felt every corpse was piled on my shoulders. At some points I couldn't even feel remorse for the terrible choices I made. I slew a man because he might tell a tale. I caused the death of a child because I wasn't smart enough to lie properly to a demon. I let who knows what into this world to avoid death." She looked at him again, "And I left you to fend for yourself."

"I didn't know, you see, not until The Deep Roads. I couldn't work out in my head how you could think of destroying anyone with the possibility they might be innocent. Not you. Not my Cullen. You were so noble from my memory of the Circle. But, after all, you were only holding true to yourself and your duty."

"It won't work you know" He said it so casually, and quietly, she wasn't sure it came from him. She moved closer to his bars, a small blossom of hope in her breast. "This little tale of yours won't let you inside my head. Did you think I would succumb to this fantasy?"

She wrapped her hands around her waist and looked down at the floor. "Still you think I'm using magic to get in your head?" She decided there was only one way to break this stalemate. Either he came to his senses or he was beyond repair. "Are you so certain that it is blood magic in your head? Let me assure you, it isn't. I could prove it." His look was so disgusted she almost wished she'd said nothing. "

"Do you want to know real from imagination, Cullen? Will you forever wonder if your actions are your own? You fought out demons and blood magic before. It is your fear of not fighting it that holds you captive. Will you not learn to fight it, forever? If I'm able to control you, as you think, then why should I sit here and talk? Why shan't I just snake into your head and make you do as I command? Have you in my bed, my willing slave?" Oh that she didn't mean to say aloud. That's it then, she thought, he'll never come around now.

"Cullen, you once thought me too compassionate. You once said my compassion doomed us all. Can you not see that it's compassion that drives me now?"

He appeared to be taken aback by that statement.

* * *

She was madder than he, thought Cullen as he stared at her, willing himself to feel nothing. Even now, as she tried to manipulate him once again, he felt himself giving in. He wasn't sure what to believe any longer. He hadn't much fight left.

She was a blood mage, he was sure of it, but he knew of her deeds as a Grey Warden. His mind had been so foggy since the Tower, but those nights behind the ward, with blood mages, were clear as daylight. Everything replayed in slow motion. Every detail was ingrained in his head. He remembered the mages and demons taunting and teasing him; just as she had. They came to him, as her, night after night. When he wouldn't give in, they showed him his friends, puppets, really, dancing to their strings. His friends pleading with him to join him at first and, later they too taunted.

He watched as they all lay with demons or were slaughtered like animals. No one was spared, save he, and only because he had fought every last one. He killed so many they feared him and locked him behind wards to starve. Since she had freed him, every mage he saw was a threat. He remembered her words, "I won't have the blood of innocents on my hands", she had said. And then he remembered the three _he'd_ slain, their faces; not abominations, people; and confusion slowly gave way to clarity.

* * *

His cry was so inhuman she had to cover her ears. It reverberated around the chamber. It was so loud and frightening it brought in the outside guard. She shooed him out the door as she stared at Cullen in astonishment.

He'd fallen to his knees and was grabbing his head as if he'd like to tear it off his body. She wanted to run in and hold him, but her death wouldn't solve his problem. And he was sure to kill her this time. He looked at her then, really looked at her, with such anguish in his face that she knew, instantly, he understood what he'd done, what he'd become.

She was so bloody sick of crying, she nearly flew into a rage with the tears that threatened to come out. She knew he could justify his slayings, even with a clear head, but would he? If he did, she could not save him. She wouldn't even attempt conscription.

"I'm ready then" he said solemnly, standing tall.

"Ready?" she frowned in confusion. Did he know she meant him to be a Grey Warden? "You're ready to do the joining ritual?"

"Joining?" it was his turn to look confused "I meant to be brought before the Circle."

Ah so that was it, she thought. He thinks to make amends through death, but she had bigger plans for him.

"You're not to be brought before the Circle, Cullen. If I deem you to be of sound mind again you can be freed. It's a prerogative of saving the world from certain destruction." She smiled, albeit a slight and cheerless smile.

"I…I need to atone. I killed three innocents. If you will not bring me before the Circle, I will stay in this cell."

She blew out a breath and put her face into her palms. Dropping her hands and clasping them in front of her she stood as close to the bars as possible. "There is another way you could…atone." She'd meant to conscript him all along, for she agreed he needed to atone for their murders. Her only reluctance was the joining, his possible death. "Tis death to some, many I should say, the ritual I mean. Tis death to be a Grey Warden as well, but I suspect that wouldn't deter you." She tilted her head "No, quite the opposite, I should think."

"A Grey Warden?" And with that short question out of the way, he stood and nodded to her.


	8. Chapter 8

It's time for a bit of fluff. I think we've earned it don't you? The next few chapters won't be as dark. Whether that's good or bad, I'll let you decide.

* * *

Cullen and Aerowen – Chapter 8 – Ignored is Not Bliss

The day of the joining ritual Aerowena could barely breathe. She stayed inside picking at her thumb nail for the entire morning. Too worried to eat or drink, she sat and nervously chewed her lip and tore her fingers apart. "What's one more death, right?" she whispered. She'd take this one as all the others, wouldn't she? Would his death finally break her? For the first time in so many years, she knelt down and prayed.

A knock at her door caught her off guard and she stood abruptly. Callie came in smiling. "It's done, Wena, he lives."

Aerowena let out a sigh of relief, her teeth chattering as she became aware of the cold. The first genuine smile crossed her lips as she hugged Callie tightly. She felt a little of herself come back that day. A little spark ignited within her and she felt the pull of mischief and joy once again. Thirty years to live, but thirty years with him, she'd take it and treasure it.

* * *

After four days of being largely ignored, it wasn't treasure she was thinking of. While she'd grown up a bit, the temper still waged within. She'd been rather spoiled all these months, she realized. While she'd had to do so much, she'd also been handed quite a bit on silver platters, as it were. She was good at finding angles to get what she needed, but she couldn't find one single moment to get any angle on him whatsoever.

Every day it was a new frock and fragrance meant to get his attention. Instead he ignored her. Today she wore a dress of gossamer white, low cut in the front and missing half the sides. She wore small lilies in her hair and the scent of wild flowers on her body. In fact, she admitted, he went out of his way to _avoid_ her as much as possible. Today he wouldn't ignore her. Oh no, today she would hatch a plan even he couldn't ignore.

"Callie…" she looked at her friend leaning back in the chair across from hers.

Callie narrowed her eyes suspiciously "Weenaaa?" she mocked.

Aerowena placed her elbows on the table and framed her face with her hands. "It seems I'm having a little bit of a problem." She did her best to look innocent and guileless.

"Oh? Is he not falling at your feet weeping out love poems as the other besotted fools in the camp?"

Aerowena scrunched her face in disgust at her friend. "I do so hate it when you call me out, you know"

"That's because you treat me like you do men. You must realize at some point that I don't respond to women because I am one. One that appreciates men"

"Bah" Aerowena sat back and blew a stray hair from her eye. "It used to work on Leliana you know!"

"Yes, I'm sure you keep telling yourself that. A bard spy with the powers of persuasion had you thinking your womanly ways were "working" on her." Callie was nodding sagely and Aerowena just wanted to swat at her head.

"I can't even get him to glance at my feet, let along spout poetry" she admitted looking out the window at Cullen and the men practicing archery in the yard. "It's not like I can change that I'm a mage, you know. I can't just magically change that! Oh dear that was a dreadful pun", Aerowena winced with a laugh.

Callie's hearty laugh drew the attention of several young Wardens, including Cullen's. He looked at them both briefly and turned back to the training.

"You could always turn him into a frog if he doesn't pay attention more."

Aerowena gasped and bit her lip to keep from laughing. "It's just so tempting when you say it. If I said something like that he'd stalk from the fortress and re-enlist with the Templars." Her laughter filled the room and she turned and caught Cullen's eyes on her. Her stomach did a flip flop and her smile got even bigger. He blinked several times and then turned away.

"Hmm, back at the tower I'd figure out some way to get him alone." She nibbled the tip of her forefinger and tilted her head while she contemplated him. "Perhaps I just need be upfront?" She eyed Callie sideways arching her brow.

"Perish the thought" Callie said between giggles. "Is it possible for you to be candid in any way?"

Wistfully she returned her gaze to Cullen. "Irving once told me I can be anything I want. I can choose to be cruel and manipulative, or I can choose to use my charm while being kind. He said one day I'd learn the value of my charm and the pain it caused." Her voice was quiet and she hadn't taken her eyes off of Cullen for one moment. "I thought him terribly boorish at the time, you know. What a foolish child I was."

"Then again", she said turning back to Callie "There isn't anything to say I can't be candid and charming, is there?"

"What are you up to? No. Never mind, I don't want to know."

"Have we got any roses, Callie?" And Callie thought Wena looked exactly like a hound with a cat under its paw.

* * *

Cullen felt her gaze against his back. The fine hairs on the back of his neck were tingling constantly. Her laugh was, for lack of a better word, poetry. Everything about her was meant to set a man off guard. Was it the Maker's plan to make her so perfect? Or was it something much darker? A perfect voice to lure you into…no, he wasn't lured. He couldn't lie to himself. She'd seduced him, but he'd gone to her chamber knowing that might occur. He'd been in love then, too much in love to see that she used him. But had she used him? What had she gained from him at the time?

He looked back at her and just like that he forgot what he was doing. Her head was tilted again and she sucked or gnawed on a single finger. Something curled in his belly, something familiar and primal. She stared at him, no…she stared through him and he found himself wanting to know what she was thinking; wanting to know…her.

He forced himself to turn away and went to the sword practice yard. He had a lot of frustration to work through.


	9. Chapter 9

Aerowena and Cullen – Chapter 9 – If Only It Were Just Awkward

Two months of swaying hips, low cut robes, batting lashes and red lips had gotten Aerowena nowhere. It was as if she was invisible. Half the men in camp had propositioned her in one way or another. From lecherous older Wardens to the young whelps with puppy love in their eyes, she'd gently rebuffed and, sometimes rebuked, each one. Yet she couldn't even get so much as a disapproving glare from Cullen. She'd thought herself too old and wise for pouting, but that's exactly what she found herself doing.

Elbows on knees, hands cradling her face she sat on her bed and wondered if she should just give up. She'd resign herself to celibacy and join the Chantry, hah. Oh, she'd like to see the reverend mother's face at the Chantry at which she tried to take vows.

The door flew open, startling her out of her reverie, and in flew a muscle bound ball of fur the size of a small cart. Baby flew at her knocking her off feet and the bed. Leliana followed in close behind.

"Baby!" She screamed, joyfully, as her face was nearly licked off. She hated to part with him, but he seemed so confined here. She'd sent him off with Leliana knowing both would come see her often.

"Leliana" she beamed, getting up and hugging her dearest friend. She opened her eyes to see Zev standing there. Looking from one to the other she detected a knowing smile from Leliana. "Well, how interesting", she said quietly. Seeing her friend frown she smiled broadly "And wonderful!" She clapped noting the relief in both their shoulders.

"I want to hear everything!" She drew her friend to the bed.

"I shall leave you to talk. Unless, of course, you needed me for something? Yes?" His leer made her giggle, but she managed out a "No" at the same time as Leliana, both of them were reduced to more giggles.

"Oh how wonderful for you Leliana. Is it…" She wanted to ask about love, but Leliana had become so different since Marjolaine's death. Perhaps her dear friend had decided for something less substantial.

"It is what it is, no? A little love, a little fun, but so much more"

"Ah you're ever the enigmatic soul, Leli. Are you happy then?"

"Yes, very much so, my dear friend. He is…" Leli seemed to search for the words, "more complex than I had thought; than either of us had thought." Leli seemed to really look at her friend for the first time. "But you must tell me of this gown and those marvelous shoes!"

"Well, not that it makes much difference; the gown is for a particular man. One that hasn't noticed this gown nor any other. And though my hair is longer, he is completely oblivious to my coy little hair twirls. I dare say he doesn't even notice my existence, except every once in a while I catch him staring. Sometimes it seems contemptuous, but others…I don't know Leli. Perhaps I'm fooling myself."

"Are you certain he enjoys women?" Leave it to Leli to go there, Aerowena smiled.

"Oh yes, quite sure."

"Perhaps he isn't a man to be moved by looks or wiles then. Perhaps he is a man moved by deed and word." Leli looked deeply into her friend's eyes. "You are too used to getting your way, my dear friend. Did you think I hadn't noticed. You've always been able to use your beauty to, shall we say, urge men. But as a minstrel, I can tell you that not all men can be moved by the way your hips move. Some men are moved by what you say."

"I'm not completely daft, Leli. I know that not every man will fall at my feet. But how can I possibly show him more of me when he won't even look at me?"

"If I was trying to seduce a man like that, I would dress more as a man, sometimes, and speak gently. Such a man would feel no threat from friendship, no?"

It hadn't occurred to Aerowena to try and be friends. She'd tried that once, with Alistair, only to be brought roses and told how much he enjoyed her company. After a dreadful moment, where she felt as if she'd just smashed kittens with her feet, she had told Alistair, regretfully, they could only be friends. He was so much like Cullen it actually ached when he stumbled over words.

"You are wilier than the reddest fox, my sweet Leliana", Aerowena smiled and finally figured out what to do with those roses.


	10. Chapter 10

**Aerowena and Cullen Chapter 10 - Awkward and Cringy**

Cullen was practicing swords once again. Today was two handed swords, tomorrow would be two handed axes and the next day he'd go soak in the nearest lake of ice. Those damnable robes with sheer skirts and necklines down to her navel were no end of distraction. Then she looked at him as if she could swallow him whole. She walked by smelling of roses or wild flowers. Sometimes she licked honey from her fingers not two stances from him. She was driving him insane. He couldn't even look at her these days without going instantly hard and thinking of crushing her against the stone with his body.

The nights were worse. She came to him in dreams with honey caked lips and the scent of flowers and sex. Always she smelled of raw sex, musty and sensual. He woke up drenched in sweat and shame. He sometimes forgot he wasn't a Templar and his vows no longer held. "Vows', he scoffed "As if those had made a difference." He drew his sword down hard on the practice dummy with a satisfying grunt.

He practiced for hours, until his body was slick and wet under the leather tunic. His body ached but at least he wasn't hard.

And then she walked into the practice yard.

He almost groaned aloud, but instead turned to leave.

He needed a long _cold_ bath; preferably one where the ice water was dumped on his head.

"Cullen" and he couldn't pretend to not hear her when she was right behind him. He pasted a blank look on his face and turned around; and was nearly undone.

"I…um…here" she thrust something at him.

She was wearing the oddest leather tunic and no makeup whatsoever. It caught him completely off guard. He was prepared for her flirting and shameless innuendo, but then she tilted that damnable head and he forgot all about being prepared.

He looked down at what was in his hands. A rose, with thorns – 'ow'. He sucked his bleeding thumb.

Was she talking to herself?

"Damn what had he said…something about beautiful and the darkspawn" She was mumbling to herself while tapping and staring at her foot. "It's um, a rose, not weaponry or for flower scents or arranging, or anything like that. It's just the winter, you know, and roses die...and the rose...you see...because you're so handsome."

What was she on about? Mad as a loon, she was. "Um. Thank you?" He wasn't sure what to say to this Aerowena. She was always so damn sure of herself but she looked terribly helpless at the moment.

He didn't want to kick her while she was so obviously down and awkward, but he'd walked this path and it only led to pain. "It's very nice", he said, but what he really meant to say was that he couldn't accept it, but the words stuck in his throat.

Damn the woman!

* * *

Because you're handsome and roses die!? Aerowena was mortified. She felt like smacking herself with the business end of the sword. That wasn't at all what Alistair had said that made her stomach go pitter patter. He was just a friend but those words were so sweet she nearly… ok she nearly giggled, but at the same time it felt wonderful. She'd meant to make Cullen feel like that. Instead she gave him a rose with thorns, which he pricked his finger on, of course. And of course she'd lose her train of thought. And now she'd stood here for a good minute in silence while he stared at her as if she'd sprouted two horns, shook a sword in the air and growled like a Glenlock.

"Yes, well, I thought you should know that." And she turned and stalked off.

* * *

Aerowena would not leave her room.

She wouldn't leave when Baby whined and cajoled her. She wasn't moved by Leli's encouraging words. She wasn't about to move when Zev tried to reason that since they were all good friends a night in bed would only "improve her mood". Only the resounding door opening, as if by magic, and a threat to burn off his hair, got him to leave. "And people think I'm vain" she retorted to the closing door. 'A little hair burning and you turn tail!' she muttered to no one.

Just before dinner Leli came in to the room at full bore. "You're not going to mope about this room. You will get dressed and…and find a way to speak to him."

"Leave me be, Leli. Can't a girl pout and wallow in peace anymore?"

"Yes you can wallow later, now you must make me laugh again. I cannot wait to hear what you say next. Shall you speak more of roses and death? " Leli was laughing uproariously at Aerowena's scowl. "Dinner is the perfect time to talk to him, he's cannot ignore you if you sit across from him."

"I shant turn you to stone today, Leli, but you're coming awfully close to becoming a statue in my room. You are quite beautiful and I think I would enjoy waking up to your stone form!"

Leliana only smiled. "I think the blue velvet gown with the silver threads is the one. It makes your hair appear almost like moonlight"

"Now see, why can't I say things like that?" Aerowena mumbled. "Hair like moonlight."

"Sit down while I brush your hair." Leliana rubbed scent on her hands and then through the brush before applying it to Aerowena's hair. "You do not like romance, or at least you think you do not like it. You cannot tell me that you did not enjoy when Alistair fancied himself in love with you. You smiled, I saw you."

Aerowena scowled and pursed her lips. "I suppose it was sweet. But he was Alistair, it was difficult to take it all seriously. Until he met his sister he was like a little boy. You can't take what a little boy tells you seriously, even if you enjoy hearing it."

"Yes, but you miss my point. Do you think men are so different? A man is no different than you. I know you, you wish to be seen as more than beautiful, but you use your beauty to get close to him. It has worked before, but it will not work completely on this one. Do you understand?"

"No, because you say this as you brush my hair and package me in blue velvet to resemble the moonlight!" Aerowena got up and shrugged into her gown.

Sighing Leliana helped her with her eye shadow and lip paint. "This man, he is the one from the tower no? He is special, then. You must look beautiful, but you must also woo him. For now, he sees only your beauty and how you wield it as a weapon against him. He will not allow himself to be seduced again unless he believes you love him. You must be his friend and his lover."

"Can't I just open my robe and smile?" Aerowena asked hopefully.

"No." Leli said laughing, "But you're always welcome to do so with me."

"Just as lecherous as your paramour" Aerowena swatted Leli on her very tempting behind. "OK dinnertime, off to make another ass of myself."

She felt ready to cry out of frustration and that only served to make her more frustrated. 'What's the matter with me lately? I've been a weepy, simpering, sot for months now. Oh look a flower blooming, sob. Oh is that a snowflake, sob. If I continue down this vein even _**I**_ couldn't fall in love with me.' Aerowena huffed out of the chamber and headed to the dining tables.


	11. Chapter 11

I've finished the story and will be putting the final chapters up today. I've read the story through several times now and I hope that the sort of naughty and nice, angst and humor, push and pull, works for many of you.

I want to thank everyone for their kind reviews. I'm hoping that you'll want to hear more stories from me, because I've got some burning in my head. Without further ado, the final chapters of Aerowena and Cullen.

**Aerowena and Cullen Chapter 11- Lessons Learned**

'Oh, Maker' he thought to himself when she entered. What was she wearing now? There wasn't enough material there to cover a pair of shoes, let alone a dress. Mentally, he closed his eyes and dressed her in the leather tunic she wore earlier. He completely forgot about it as soon as he opened his eyes again. He swallowed hard and stared diligently at his plate while she settled in the seat across from him.

"I…" she started to speak and he looked up. She looked completely perplexed and almost a little angry.

"Damn and blast, Cullen, couldn't you just talk to me?" she pleaded. He'd only seen her cry the once, but her eyes filled with tears and he was finding it hard to chew the potato he had put in his mouth. "All I want to do is climb in that armor with you, but it seems you'll have none of that. And…much as I'd like to promise not to climb into the aforementioned armor, I won't lie to you, I have every intention of it. In fact, it's all I ever think about."

Climb into his…? He looked down at his armor, trying to get the mental image of a little elf girl climbing into it out of his head. The potato had turned to mush in his mouth and he swallowed hard. He couldn't think and there she was tearing up in front of him. He'd like to tell himself she was using those tears for just that purpose, but he'd only seen her cry once. It wasn't her way, to use tears. Thrusting her chest and talking about climbing in his armor, yes, that was her way. And those damnable dresses, which brought his eyes down to her chest. Two bands of velvet held together by a strand of pearls. Correction, two tiny strings of velvet held together by a very thin band of pearls. The room was getting as hot as his food was getting cold. He stood up to make his escape, thanking the Maker for heavy, _concealing_, armor.

* * *

Well that's progress, thought Aerowena as she caught him looking at her breasts. One thing about Templars was all those years without sex or relief made most of them very frustrated. She had no doubt the Lyrium played a large part in suppressing their…appetites. But Cullen wasn't addicted to Lyrium and he wasn't a Templar any longer.

She looked up to see half the room staring at her and him. She looked at him and his face was turning a unique shade of crimson. Oddly her first thought was, 'what a lovely shade for a gown'.

And then he got up and left.

* * *

She found him at the highest point of the fortress. She felt a little silly following him around when he so obviously wanted to be alone. Desperate was the only word that described her state now.

"It seems we're always following one another out of doors or to their bed chambers." Aerowena joked to his back.

He stood at the top of the ramparts staring out at the horizon.

"Oh Cullen" She sighed "I'm terribly good at seduction, but I'm a mess when it comes to you. I suppose I could just tell you I love you, but I suspect you wouldn't believe it. And I suspect you're still in love with a ghost that hadn't taken the Harrowing. I've no idea how to get you to love this girl."

His body grew stiff at her last sentence. She knew he was listening, but did he really hear her?

"All the good things about Aerowena were left at that tower. All the things you loved, anyway."

"What did you think I loved about you, Ro?" Her head whipped up as he spoke. Her stomach did a number of flying leaps at his nickname for her.

"I…quite honestly I don't know. Perhaps it was just lust then. But if it was lust, then, that girl is still here" She smiled painfully, wondering how she'd manage if all he cared for was that.

"Lust? Did you think I would throw my vows into the wind for just lust?" He stepped in closer to her, "I watched you every day for years, Ro. Of course you're beautiful and I can't really deny how you made me feel physically, but that isn't what I loved. You were fierce and loyal; defending anyone that you felt wasn't treated fairly. You spend time with the servants and I'll bet you knew the name of every cook, apprentice, mage, enchanter and serving girl in the tower."

"You were scandalous in your flirtation with me, but you didn't limit it to me. I sometimes laughed with you as you made me, or some other poor sap, blush. You flirted for the reaction and you were glorious to watch."

"I loved you because you made me want to kiss you and throttle you at the same time. You were so dangerous and perfect. And so damnably smart, you knew just what to say or do to get your way." He stepped even closer to her and she shivered. The wind was whipping around them and her cloak flew up. Her hair flicked into her eyes, but she didn't feel the cold bite of the wind or the sting of her hair against her cheek. She was backing up against the wall afraid of what she saw in his eyes. Which was insane because wasn't this what she wanted?

"I loved all those things about you, but mostly I loved the moments that no one else saw; the moments when you'd stare out at the world and I could see in your eyes all the things you longed to do."

She looked at him and saw him for the first time; Cullen, the man, not Cullen the innocent, Cullen the Warden or even Cullen the conquest. She laid her hand against his cheek and looked at him with regret. "She's dead, that girl. She had her adventures and died a little bit with each one, until there wasn't anything left of her. The last part of her died in the Deep Roads to a story so horrendous that it died with her."

"You can't have that girl, Cullen. You don't want that girl. She seemed fun and careless, but she was reckless and unkind. She was selfish and merciless. But this girl standing in front of you, she has some of that girl's determination and, I hope, little of her selfishness. Perhaps, if you got to know her, you could love this girl?"

He turned and left her there, standing alone in the wind, alone in the world.


	12. Chapter 12

She wasn't sure if he'd left for good, but she assumed as much when the first month had passed.

The second month she knew nothing but heartache and pain. She hadn't wept, only sat in the cold day after day, staring out at the gates until her skin was blue and Leliana had to bring her inside.

Baby slept by her side nightly and she took comfort in his love and affection.

The third month she decided to get out of bed and join humanity. She wasn't sure what snapped inside, but something did. She didn't begrudge herself a little wallowing, she'd earned it, after all. "That's that then I suppose" and she got up to see her friends.

She met Leliana in the guest quarters and began packing her a bag.

"I know you're itching to be on the road, Leli, I'm ok now. Thank you for staying so long"

Leli hugged her friend tightly "I shall come back in a few months time. Baby will keep you company in the meantime"

Zev and Leli left and she was immediately joined by Callie. "Thank the Maker they're gone. I never got so many lewd comments and looks in one day from both a man and a woman!"

"They're all talk, unless you encourage them" Laughed Aerowena tucking her arm in her friend's. "You have made yourself rather scarce, haven't you?"

"I've done no such thing, you've just not paid anyone a whit of attention since…" her voice trailed off as if reluctant to finish.

"Since I was so ceremoniously dumped after offering myself on a silver platter?" she arched a brow and smiled.

"Yes, quite so. Shall we chuck it up to his loss and go and practice sword play or something scandalous?"

"Callie, mages don't need a sword. We simply need a bit of 'oomph'."

Callie eyed her warily. "I've felt your bit of 'oomph' and it feels more like a 'pow', emphasis on the –ow."

"Callie," she stopped and turned her friend to look at her, "I've got to tell you something dreadful and it may end our friendship, but I must tell you before you find out on your own"

Callie harrumphed and grabbed both of Aerowena's hands "Is it that you can practice blood magic, Wena?"

Aerowena's eyes grew the size of saucers "But… you knew?"

"My dear, we all knew. You can't hide that type of magic, it seeps into every cast you do. It wasn't as if it was good news, but it was quite obvious you weren't insane when you brought Cullen here. Now, were you about to use it on me then? Or was there some other reason you wished to bring it up?" Callie joked but then grew serious when her friend didn't smile. "Wena?" she asked with trepidation.

"Oh, goodness no! "Aerowena dismissed with a wave of her hand, "I simply need to practice with it and well…you'd be sure to find out you know. I can't have this power and not know how to use it. It's dangerous. And while Cullen was here…" her voice trailed off.

"Say no more, I have the perfect room for you"

* * *

Aerowena studied the wall where her blood had spurted. "I'm quite sure they didn't mean that to happen" she muttered to herself. How on earth were you supposed to aim?

She'd come here every day for six weeks now and still hadn't the hang of most of the blood magic spells. Certain spells, it seemed, were like acid when her blood was spilled. Others seemed to do nothing. She had scabs and cuts up and down her arms as well as her fingers, but none of them gave her the answers she sought.

She cut her arm again and held the knife. Drawing inside herself she began to channel the blood magic. Just as the dagger began to heat, the door flew open.

Cullen stood there with a smile and then stopped, abruptly, as the blood drained from his face. He took in the glowing, dripping knife in her hand. Her hair was disheveled and the front of her gown was covered in streaks of blood. She dropped the knife and let her arms fall at her side. She stood there letting it drip down her arm and hit the floor. It was the only sound in the room for what seemed like eternity.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

"Blood mage" Cullen snarled.

She felt like a deer with a hunter's arrow pointed at her. He came at her and lifted her arms. She couldn't hide the evidence of hundreds of cuts. Some healed and scabbed, some were scarred. She felt as betrayer and innocent all at once. "Cullen, Wardens don't disallow blood magic" She tried to reason, but her voice was shaky. "I had to learn, you see. I have the knowledge but if I don't learn it, then I might hurt someone." She begged him with her eyes.

"Wena" Callie's voice came breathless from the hall. She saw Cullen grasping Aerowena's upturned arms. Aerowena looked desperate and terrified. "Cullen, you're no longer a Templar. She is a Grey Warden, a senior Grey Warden no less." Callie warned.

"You knew?" He shouted, holding Aerowena's arms out as evidence.

"Yes, I knew from the beginning. What did you think? That she wouldn't do everything she had to do? That she would walk into a tower without the knowledge she needed to walk out? Are you a blind fool to see that she made worse choices than learning blood magic?"

He threw her hands down and backed away from her. His face was filled with disgust and fury. "And to think I came here to…to." He stopped himself and just stared at her, like he had no idea who she was.

"You don't really, you know. You don't know who I am." She fell back against the wall, sank to floor and put her arms around her knees. Thank the Maker she wasn't crying, that would be her undoing.

"You think you know me, but you're remembering a fantasy." She began to rock back and forth against the wall. "I can flirt like her and laugh like her. I can even play the seductress like her, but I can't let go, like her."

"One after another the world threw responsibility on my shoulders. Save the king Aerowena, kill the king Aerowena, save the boy Aerowena, kill the mage Aerowena" She was hysterical now. "Everyone will die if you don't choose Aerowena. It's up to you Aerowena; it's all up to you!" Her voice was shrill and terrifying, even to her own ears, but she couldn't stop. She got up and rounded on him. "When's it someone else's turn to choose? When does everyone stop pointing at Aerowena, deciding what's right or wrong? Let them decide what's right and wrong for a change. But no, that's too easy because then they wouldn't get to judge me." she pounded her chest.

"Well it's not the world anymore that needs saving, Cullen. I need saving. _You_ were supposed to save _me_. When do I get saved?"

Then she fairly flew out of the room.


	13. Chapter 13

**Cullen and Aerowena –Chapter 13 – What is More Terrifying? Embarrasment or Blood Magic?**

He'd been to the Circle to be with her. His guilt had overwhelmed him these months and he just needed absolution or some atonement. He realized that the night she said she loved him, or implied it anyhow. He couldn't accept anything like love after he'd killed three innocent people. So he'd been to see the First and lay in wait for their judgment. But it appeared his joining of the Wardens was atonement enough. He felt a small measure of guilt release and all he could think about was coming home, to her, to the possibility of her.

And then she'd stood there, everything he'd been terrified of at the Tower and everything he'd learned was dangerous and forbidden lay exposed.

Cullen stood there in stunned silence while Callie picked up the knife and laid it on the desk. "Things aren't so black and white, Cullen." she sighed heavily, "Maybe they never were. Has it occurred to you the Chantry might be wrong about a lot of things?"

Yes, dammit, it had occurred to him. He wasn't a clueless idiot, despite what some may think. "Blood magic, though, Callie. It's everything we were taught and more. I've seen it."

"I've seen it too, Cullen. Lest you forget I've been with her months longer than you. She isn't them. She's smarter and stronger and she has so much compassion."

"How long…? Who?" He couldn't get the right question out.

"It doesn't matter. Don't you get it?" She sounded fed up. "She did what she had to do, to save the world. And from most of what I hear, she did a lot she didn't have to do." Callie leaned against the table and crossed her arms. "All these months she's wanted you; wearing one disastrous dress after another, spending far too much time preparing scents than practicing magic, as she should. She's had that magic at her finger tips. Magic that could control you, that's for certain. If she was dangerous, she could have used it the night you left, or hundreds of times before that. Think about that before you go about judging people blindly."

Watching her walk out the door Cullen couldn't get the words out of his head. 'Could have controlled you'. She could have, he realized. And she never had.

* * *

Tonight Aerowena was determined to look like a queen. She'd keep her head held high and brush off any accusing looks he cared to give. She picked out a dress of pure silver with white fur edging. The sleeves were long to hide her arms, but they came off the shoulder and flared magnificently. She tied a brocade white belt around her hips and slipped on a pair of blue slippers Leliana had left for her. Tonight she would stand proud and armored. She'd even worn her hair up with pearls encircling the bun. At some point she realized she was dressing for herself and not him for the first time in months. She was armoring herself with the one thing she knew dazzled the world. Dazzle them with her beauty and they couldn't crawl into her skin.

She also realized that she felt the old Aerowena clawing at the inside of this very conservative dress. 'Just lower the top a little' the voice taunted. Pushing the cleavage down further, she marched down to dinner.

Aerowena never felt out of place, despite the fact that she was the only one who dressed for dinner every evening. Most of the Wardens, even the mages, wore their training gear or armor. Eventually, most paid her no mind when she came to dinner, but a few stared. Cullen just looked lost in thought.

She sat down directly opposite him, poured a goblet of wine and drank it in one gulp. She felt regal and righteous and let him drool over her...'Hic'

"Pardon" Cullen said looking up.

"Nothing… I …'hic'" she felt her face flush.

Cullen smirked "You were saying?"

"Oh, blast it." She muttered and lowered her head to eat.

'Hic' , the giggling started at the far end of the table. She sniffed, loudly. Men giggling indeed.

She held her breath and counted to thirty. 'Hic'

This time the giggles carried randomly through the dining hall.

She sighed and poked her tongue against her cheek, staring at the far wall. "If you're all quite…'hic' done"

Now there wasn't a soul not laughing out right.

She picked up her fork and ate daintily, ignoring the laughter which began to settle down a few moments later.

'Hic'

Cullen was laughing so hard he hadn't touched his food. She looked down at her plate and secretly smiled. His laughter was so welcome to her ears, that she almost begged another hiccup to come. She opened her mouth and belched instead.

"Oh dear maker", she thought. Oh no! She didn't think that, she said it. Horrified, she stared at her plate and saw Cullen out of the corner of her eye fall off the bench laughing.

Instead of leaving, which she wished to do at this point more than anything in the world, she filled her cup with more wine and gulped that down without a breath. The hiccups at that point were moot because the room began to sway. She looked into her cup to see if it had some strange brew, but it was only wine. She'd had wine a hundred times and nothing affected her like this. Some small part of her brain told her to stop, but instead she filled her glass with wine again and drank like a soldier on leave.

Now she hiccupped and giggled at herself. Cullen was watching her with interest when she suddenly picked up her potato with her fork and flung it at his head. It landed with a wet sound smack in the middle of his forehead and then rolled to the ground.

Cullen sat there staring at her in disbelief. His eyes were wide with shock and a little anger. Aerowena, however, dissolved into so many giggles she thought she'd never get air.

Then she sat up straight and grabbed her fork. Looking right at him she took a forkful of meat bent the tip of the fork back and flung it at his shocked expression. It landed directly onto his cheek and slid down onto his lap. "Oh that felt good. Almost better than that time you put your tongue…"

"Wena!" Callie admonished, laughing and heading over to their table.

"What," Aerwena asked innocently, blinking "He knows where he put his tongue. Don't you Cullen?"

"You're an awfully interesting shade of red, Cullen. I've thought about making a dress of that color, you know. Cut just to here…" she pointed just between her breasts.

"Yes, yes, that sounds lovely, Wena." Callie gripped Aerowena under the shoulders, and drug her towards the door. Aerowena lay motionless with her feet dragging along the stone, one slipper falling off as she was pulled unceremoniously from the room. So much for dignity and drooling, she thought, as she saw Cullen smiling.

* * *

Lying in her bed with the ceiling twisting and turning, Aerowena smacked her tongue against her teeth. "Callie" She screamed. "OH no Callie"

Callie came running in with a water soaked towel. "Maker what now? " She asked breathlessly.

"I think I've lost my teeth. I can't feel them t'all." She flashed Callie every tooth in her head, and barring one at the far back, they all seemed to be present and accounted for.

Callie pushed her friend back down onto the bed and put the rag against her forehead.

"'Id ya shee?" Aerowena was grinning under the towel. "Threw a potato at his head, I did. Served him right. Jackass! All judgey and judgmental with his judgey looks and his judgy hair. Haven't turned him into a fwog…fog…frog, but actsh like I did anyhow! Going to zap him within an inch of his life, I am. Zap his bootsh!" Aerowena sat up and started to get up and was pushed back down on the bed.

"Lemme 't 'im. Gaht to zap his bootsh!"

"Yes, zap his boots in the morning dear." She lifted the towel at the sound of soft snoring and quietly left the room.


	14. Chapter 14

**Aerowena and Cullen Chapter 14 – How Could She Forget the Boot Zapping?**

Aerowena sat idly watching the snow fall through the window. Although Cullen hadn't spent much time with her, she felt more comfortable with him suddenly. Since the night of the potato flinging, he'd seemed much more comfortable with her as well. It seems when you're expecting to get controlled by magic, and instead get a potato in the head, you're much more amenable. She'd forgotten all about zapping his boots, however, something that was most disconcerting. How could she forget about the boot zapping? He deserved it so.

She'd breathed on the window and traced little hearts in the moisture. She breathed again and drew a C + A inside a heart. And just as she finished drawing the A, Cullen came around the corner and looked at the window. He raised his brow as she quickly smoothed her hand over the writing. She found herself blushing again. Cullen simply grinned and went about his way. That was the final straw that broke the bronto's back. He just went about his way, completely ignoring her, and grinning no less.

Following close behind him, she waited until he was in the armory and had his boots on. A satisfied yelp greeted her ears and she was feeling very pleased as he hopped up and down trying to take off his boots. He looked up as she laughed.

"Why you little witch" He shouted and began to come at her. She flew outside grabbed a wad of snow and turned and threw it at him just as he came out the door. It missed by a mile. and as she went to grab another pile of snow she was tackled, face first, into the snowdrift. Sputtering she wiped snow from her face and turned, expecting to be helped up.

She expected him to be a gentleman and held out her hand. Instead she was greeted with a pile of snow directly into the face. She sat there shocked and indignant as he laughed. She lashed out at his boots with lightening but he deftly canceled her magic. Damn the man and his Templar training, she thought.

"Tsk tsk. Using magic in a fair fight" he mocked pulling her to her feet.

"Tisn't a fair fight when you weigh twice as much as I do, can cancel my magic and have a big thick piece of metal guarding your person" she sniffed, brushing snow from her hair.

He reached out and brushed her hair from her face and lifting her chin. "You mustn't use magic on me, Ro"

Her insides turned to mush at the sound of her nickname. "I'll do as I please" She stared at him defiantly "as long as you're not looking that is" she added quietly.

"What were you drawing on the window?" He asked changing the subject and trying, unsuccessfully, to look innocent. His knowing smile let her know he knew exactly what she was drawing.

"A hex", she hissed "A hex that will have you in the latrine for weeks"

He laughed loud and hardy this time and touched the tip of her nose with his finger. He grabbed her hand drug her indoors.

She had a blanket and warm cider as she sat across the table from him. She looked through her lashes at him as she drank. He was staring at the window and smiling contentedly. He looked all of 15 again, like when she first saw him.

She was but nine or ten, she remembered. He was so imposing, even then. The Chantry trained the Templars as early as the Circle trained the mages. Here it was, fifteen years later and she still had no idea about his life, nor he hers.

"Were you terribly afraid when they brought you to the Chantry?"

He looked at her thoughtfully and nodded "Terrified. No family, no friends, just me and a very imposing Reverend Mother and Gregoir."

She nodded in reply, "I remember you then. You were so stern. You never set a foot wrong."

He smiled softly "I remember you as well, quite the opposite; always in trouble, always in the First's office. The rats in the senior enchanter's quarters were quite imaginative."

She gasped and laughed "You knew?"

"I saw you letting them out."

"But you never said a word" She smiled, remembering.

"Couldn't get you into more trouble," he shrugged "It was such a small thing anyhow. And hilarious. Spells flying, women screaming, men screaming, rats turning into stone and ice, best night of my life. Or second best" he winked at her, causing the most wonderful stomach flutters "I think several of the enchanters ended up in the infirmary being healed by Wynn because they'd missed the rats and hit each other."

She laid her hand on his and it felt so right, so perfect. The sat and reminisced and learned about each other until the wee hours of the morning.

She was yawning, but she didn't want the moment spoiled, didn't want the night to end.

"Come on then, Ro, time for bed" She really wanted to say something lewd and seductive just then, but what came out was a jaw cracking yawn.

Leaning over the table she kissed his cheek and then smiling, she danced off to her chamber.

And that's how the winter went, with nights talking and friendship growing.


	15. Chapter 15

Turn away if you don't like some very serious lemon and fluff =). Lemons are always really good with salt or sugar, no?

**Aerowena and Cullen Chapter 15 – Preparing for Boot Zapping**

Spring was upon Ferelden and it seemed love was everywhere in nature; everywhere but in her chambers, that is.

"Preparing for boot zapping?" Callie asked her first thing in the morning, barging into her quarters without so much as a knock.

Aerowena was standing in the sunlight staring at Cullen practicing in the yard below her balcony. The air was nippy, but she was warm in her red velvet dress. She was luckier than most to have her own room. A perk of being one of the few women in camp, she supposed; although it mattered little considering she wasn't ever really alone in her room. The air was chilly but the snow was all but melted away. Cullen's muscled form dripped with sweat, however, despite the chill. Aerowena laid her head in her hand and sighed deeply.

"I'm not thinking about boot zapping, more like ripping off his boots and biting my way up his…"

"Ugh" Callie interrupted.

Aerowena grinned at her friend's discomfort and sighed wistfully again. "Do you think he does it on purpose?"

"Does what" Callie said peering at the men below "Play swords half naked under your balcony where you swoon for hours? Oh no, he doesn't do that on _purpose_. And it's not _terribly_ obvious when he slicks sweat away while surreptitiously staring up at you, either."

"Sarcasm is unbecoming a lady, you know" Aerowena said feigning consternation.

"Then you're no lady."

"Oh bother, it's never fun trading wits with you, you always win."

"Not always, just since your brain has become befuddled."

"There is a bright side to the past few months." Aerowena said brightly. "At least now he looks at me! And talks to me, no less. It seems much easier to seduce a man who can stand the sight of you, no?"

"Yes that does sound more prudent than wriggling his nose in disgust"

A yelp from down below had them both leaning over the balcony.

Baby had a grip on Cullen's boot and was thrashing his head around. Cullen, for all his trying, could not stay on his feet and wound up falling backwards with a loud 'thwomp'. "Hey!" He screamed. Baby answered by growling and laying the boot at the foot of his mistress who had just come running out.

"Baby!" She admonished "Even if he's a very bad man, which we both know he is, you cannot go around biting boots, especially if someone is wearing them." She shook her finger at the dog with one hand and pet him with the other.

Baby wagged his whole hind quarters, picked up the boot and went inside.

Aerowena looked at Cullen lying on the ground, put her nose in the air and sashayed back inside.

* * *

Cullen lie there thinking how unjust the world was and how he had just felt the full brunt of that fact. He'd had potatoes and brown meat thrown at his head, by a blood mage no less, electrical storms cast on his boots, a snowball assassination attempt, a dog which bit his foot and stole his boot and then she comes out and calls _him_ a bad man. If that weren't enough, all he could think about as she left was how her hips swayed as she walked away.

He'd had just about enough of being the bad guy in their little…whatever it was, he thought, getting up and slapping the dust from his pants. He started to follow after her to tell her just that when it struck him that he had already decided there was something between them, something more than lust. And it was about time he did something about it. That stopped him in his tracks.

When he'd come back from the Circle, from asking forgiveness from the Circle, he amended, he'd meant to tell her. He was so overjoyed that he'd just barged in on her. He'd almost gone mad for a moment seeing that room, remembering the blood covered walls of the tower. It seemed another moment passed lost between them. Although several moments during their long walks together came about, he hadn't quite worked out in his head what he was to do.

It seemed as if random moments were all they had. Perhaps it was time to string together some longer moments.

He came out of his reverie to see her standing a hairs breath from him. He smelled her first, wild flowers, and then looked down at her.

"I'm going to kiss you now, Cullen."

* * *

She'd really meant to stalk back to her rooms. All his teasing and running around with his shirt off and not even a wary kiss from him in months. She'd turned to go and then the wind blew and she could smell him, taste him on her lips. She closed her eyes trying very hard not to think about his bare chest, all sinew and muscle standing right behind her. She'd honestly not meant to turn around, but then she did, and then he'd taken a step towards her and stopped. He'd closed his eyes and stood there, breathing hard, his chest doing all kinds of things to her stomach.

She'd walked up to him, but he was still lost in whatever thought had gripped him. When he finally looked down at her she couldn't move. Her feet had become anchors in the ground. "I'm going to kiss you now, Cullen" and she pulled his head down to hers with one hand while the other pressed against his chest.

Maker! What a kiss, she thought, or tried to think. Everything was suddenly muted, except his smell and taste. She felt his tongue part her lips and opened to him. The sheer boldness of his tongue made her moan against him. She felt his hands grasp her dress and he pressed her to him, hard, his hand splayed on her lower back. She tilted her head and his tongue drove into her mouth with abandon. She moaned again and felt her toes curl. She cupped the back of his head with her hand and then clasped his hair. Heat soared through her body and pooled in her lower abdomen. And then he yelped into her mouth.

She opened her eyes in confusion to see him turned around and screaming at Baby. She stood there swaying for a moment and tried to shake off the fog in her head.

"The damn dog bit me" he was swatting at the dog, which was nipping at him and running in circles.

"Baby, don't bite the nice man." She was still foggy but a giggle escaped her lips.

"Oh now it's don't bite the nice man. Ow! But not long ago it was "the very bad man" and how is the damn dog to know the difference when he thinks you're being swallowed"

She actually blushed. She touched her cheek to double check, but yes, that was a blush. She'd of course blushed before, but not because of talk about a kiss. Because she fell on her rump in front of a hundred men or belched at the dinner table, yes, a blush was standard at those times. Why on earth would she blush when he talked about a kiss? She was thinking all of these thoughts when Baby grabbed his other boot, pulling him to the ground and shook it off his foot. Cullen, for his part, just sat there on the ground staring at her, accusingly.

She couldn't help it, she laughed. Not a simple girlish giggle, but a full throated, ripped for joy laugh. Just as she took a breath she felt Baby's paws on her back and she went forward right into Cullen's open arms. "Oh you're a very bad dog" She said trying to push up but getting no traction on his bare, sweaty chest.

" Mm…yes a very bad dog" Cullen muttered and this time _he_ kissed _her_. And just as he slid his hands down her back and put one on her…

"Get up you two, the whole yard can see you" Callie grabbed Aerowena's dress from the back and pulled her up to her feet. Aerowena felt all the world like a cat ready to pounce on its prey, while Cullen looked his usual self, put out and irritated.

"Right then" was all he said before grabbing Aerowena's arm, throwing her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and carrying her upstairs.

"Seems a fellow has to make his own privacy around here", he said depositing Aerowena on her bed, hard. "Ward the door" he said pointing at it, and because she was so discombobulated she simply did as he commanded, no questions asked. And then she realized she was in bed, and he was in her chamber and he had no shirt on. Her cheeks fairly hurt with the size of her smile.

He opened his mouth, briefly, as if he'd say more, but then he stalked over to her. He growled and pulled her to her feet and the kiss began anew.

"Cullen" she whispered against his lips trying to unfasten his pants without any luck. "Cullen, I"

"Shh" he said "Unless it's about how I can get this damn dress off, I don't want to hear it" He was turning her around now and she was feeling very muddled. What on earth was he doing? There was something she had to say…what was it? She turned to look at him over her shoulder when she heard him curse and felt the back of her dress rip and then cold air hit her skin.

'Oh' She thought, disconcerted, 'I really liked this dress' and then he kissed the small of her back and she dropped it to the floor, forgotten. She also forgot to speak for a moment and he continued to press small kisses down her back. And then remembered she had something to say. "Cullen" she whispered.

"Mm" he replied and nipped her back.

She gasped and bit her lip hard. She wasn't sure she could stand upright much longer. Her knees were shaking so hard she thought they might well begin to make clanging noises. She shivered from head to toe as his hands slide to her belly. One hand dipped into her panties and that was it, she lost her footing and began to sink into a puddle.

He stood behind her and pulled her against him, one arm snaking around her waist holding her up, the other hand reaching between her legs and sliding between her lips. She was lava, hot enough to melt stone and metal. Her body was afire but she was shaking, as if chilled, from head to toe. He slid one finger inside her and his thumb caressed her moving up and down rhythmically. She put her hand over his and dug in her nails. She felt the climax form in the pit of her stomach. Her moans became louder and more breathless at the same time; a crescendo of pants and small screams. When her orgasm came, it was so intense it rocked both them both as they stood. Her body quaked and burned against his.

* * *

When she came to orgasm his erection was so hard he nearly bit her shoulder to relieve the pain. Her small screams and moans filled the chamber making him harder than he ever thought possible. She still quaked and her body racked against his as he reached down to unbuckle his pants. He'd figure how to take the panties off later, he mused. He guided himself inside her, past the panties, and thrust up hard, pressing her back to him. He kept one hand around her middle and moved his other over her breast. She'd splayed her hands against the wall and threw her head back, crying out.

She was hot and tight and warm, and he felt nothing but her softness around him. He tried to keep his eyes open, but they closed of their own volition. He wanted to see her as he took her.

His hips moved against her faster and slower until all he heard was his own pants mixed with hers. Her hips began to move to meet his and he nearly exploded then and there. He willed himself to hold back and pounded into her again and again. She was his, and he was hers, and he punctuated that fact with every thrust.

Moving his hand to her lower lips again he slid his fingers up and down as he gliding in and out. Her soft breathless pants were driving him wild and she'd soon wrapped her arms around his neck, which only made her breasts thrust forward and him shift inside her. Her head was back against his shoulder and he watched her hands move over her own body as he moved in and out of her. Her hand cupped her breast and held her nipple between her own fingers and she tightened around him. He came into her then, so powerfully it nearly knocking them both into the wall. He felt, rather than heard, her climax; His cries drowning out hers. One of his hands reached out to brace against the wall and stop them from falling.

Afterward he moved them both to the bed where she rolled off and lay breathless for a moment. He moved next to her and kissed her temple. She turned to look at him with a soft smile. "You're the only man I'll ever love, that's what I was trying to say" she said simply and laid her head against his chest.

"Yes, well funny that, I'm quite sure I'm the only man, or woman for that matter, you'll ever love as well" he responded, quite assuredly, even though his heart had skipped several beats.

* * *

Somewhere deep in the recesses of her mind, an older, forgotten, naughty Aerowena grinned and spoke up, "Mmm… did I manage to introduce you to Leliana and Zevran?"

But those stories are yet to be told.


End file.
